Wednesday, October 13, 2010
pregnant vs. pregnant
As you can see with the count down, I'm roughly 4 months along for pregnancy #2.
Here's a picture from our recent Yellowstone trip. I love the "who's kid is this?" look on my face.
Let me just say that people who say each pregnancy is different ARE COMPLETELY CORRECT, at least in my case anyway. To let you know what I mean here are a few comparisons:
1 week of Arby's Beef and Cheddar cravings and then goodbye to food cravings all together.
From the beginning I have craved FOOD. Someone mentions a particular food and it triggers the "must have" switch in my brain: Chinese (I made fried rice for the first time MmmMmmgood), caramel popcorn, smoothies, bacon/egg/cream cheese bagel sandwich (a particular favorite, but then agina, aren't they all), pickles, grapefuit (this is an everyday craving or anything sour will do), chocolate (I hand dipped chocolates the other day on this one after talking about turtles at work--ya know with pecans and caramel and chocolate? It sounded so good and I just happened to have all the stuff), sticky fingers at Winger's, cereal (usually satisfies my 8:00pm craving), soup in a bread bowl (I haven't actually made this one yet, but I can feel it coming soon). These are all foods that have come up in a conversation during the day that when I get home I break down and make because I just can't fight the urge any longer. The great thing is once I make it, the craving doesn't go away.
I shed a few small tears at the DNCFR during the mutten bustin' but other than that never really cried--more than usual.
Anything and everything can set me off. I never know when and, although I try, can't seem to turn the faucet off--it's water works until the well is dry. Whether I'm laughing or anxious or sad or mad or sentimental or "normal"--drop of a hat and here comes the rain so get a box of tissues and an umbrella.
I never knew what anxiety (sp?) felt like. I mean, sure I had been anxious now and then in my life and occasionally during pregnancy, who hasn't?
EVERYTHING is a worry. This is strongly related to the tears all the time. I cry driving home from work because I might get in a wreck and won't make it home, and what if no one can find Andrew and I die and, and, and, and, What if? Constantly. What if?
I enjoyed people and social gatherings, chit chat at work, church, a jaunt to the store, etc.
I'll say it simple. Keep me home. Just, keep me home. Sorry to say, but it's best I only go out when absolutely necessary. Enough said.
I arrived on time for appointments, work, etc. Never had problems getting ready to be somewhere. I could plan for things and not stress out.
I am a WRECK, a nut-job, even sycko--and I don't even know how to spell it. I don't know who I am sometimes. I was so capable before and I just don't know what happened--I do know what happened no one needs to explain where babies come from haha--I just don't know why? (raise arms and eyes to the heavens) WHY must I be a complete space-case?! :) It's all I can do to shower, get dressed, read scriptures, and eat breakfast in the morning. Anything added on to that and it's like the world stops and I think to myself, "who is this person? and when will she get out of the way so I can go back to being myself again?" (SIGH!!) It's all good though.
AMONG IT ALL I HAVE KEPT THAT TREASURED GIFT: THE ABILITY TO LAUGH AT MYSELF. I think that is the thread keeping me out of the mental institution. So next time you see me and ask, "How's it going?" and I say, "I'm hanging in there." or "Same old same old." Just know that's code for "At least Andy hasn't comitted me yet." or "I'm trying to save the water-works for something valid."
Posted by Anonymous at 3:44 PM